Chapter 9
Signals of Energy
Allowing children to release the energy of their emotions, will mean we will be less likely to have suppressed or overly emotional communication as a family.
Addressing a situation or thought in the right love language, while understanding how the person learns, will assist them in future to self-regulate[1].
If in our language we were to remove words like:
• You can’t do that
• You are too small
• That is too dangerous
• What a stupid thing to do
• You are silly
• How ridiculous
• You will never amount to anything
• Get over yourself
• Stop carrying on
We would have people of all ages, 100% responsible for their emotions, without blaming, complaining or making excuses for their behaviour.
The best communication comes from understanding the following principle from Jack Canfield's Success Principles™. E+R=O
Emotion or Event + Reaction or Response = Outcome
The next time you see or feel an emotion coming alive, think about your reaction or response. Better still, know what outcome you would like and work backwards to your response or reaction.
If a person (child) is crying, how do you react or respond?
What outcome would you expect if you cuddled a ‘physical touch’ person? More than likely a positive outcome.
What if the person is, ‘words of affirmation’? They would respond better to kind words of support.
Emotions can be good energy, or they can be bad, either way, it is how we react or respond that give both you and the other person the outcome.
A teenage girl is not interested in advice when they are acting out, however, a listening ear would go a long way to better communication.
Don't Cry Over Spilt Milk Meaning and History
No matter how you say the proverb, ‘don't cry over spilt milk’ or ‘it's no use crying over spilt milk’, the phrase means that there's no point in being upset over something that has already happened and cannot be changed.
This is a story about a famous research scientist who had made several very important medical breakthroughs. He was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who asked him, “Why he thought he was able to be so much more creative than the average person? What set him so far apart from others?”
He responded that, in his opinion, it all came from an experience with his mother that occurred when he was about 2 years old.
He had been trying to remove a bottle of milk from the refrigerator, when he lost his grip on the slippery bottle and it fell, spilling its contents all over the kitchen floor—a veritable sea of milk!
When his mother came into the kitchen, instead of yelling at him, giving him a lecture, or punishing him, she said, "Robert, what a great and wonderful mess you have made! I have rarely seen such a huge puddle of milk. Well, the damage has already been done. Would you like to get down and play in the milk for a few minutes before we clean it up?"
Indeed, he did. After a few minutes, his mother said, "You know, Robert, whenever you make a mess like this, eventually you have to clean it up and restore everything to its proper order. So, how would you like to do that? We could use a sponge, a towel, or a mop. Which do you prefer?" He chose the sponge and together they cleaned up the spilt milk.
His mother then said, "You know, what we have here is a failed experiment in how to effectively carry a big milk bottle with two tiny hands. Let's go out in the backyard and fill the bottle with water and see if you can discover a way to carry it, without dropping it."
The little boy learned that if he grasped the bottle at the top near the lip with both hands, he could carry it without dropping it. What a wonderful lesson!
This renowned scientist then remarked that it was at that moment that he knew he didn't need to be afraid to make mistakes. Instead, he learned that mistakes were just opportunities for learning something new, which is, after all, what scientific experiments are all about.
Even if the experiment, ‘doesn't work’, we usually learn something valuable from it.
What an important lesson for this young boy. What a great mum, who had the patience and desire to teach in the moment.
Parents, teachers, mentors, coaches, cheerleaders, carers and influencers, could all learn from this story.
Patience and understanding will bring out the best in a human.
Learning is universal, if only we understood everyone’s language.
Reflecting back on my younger years, I now understand why I am so inquisitive and love to research, listen to stories and dream BIG audacious dreams.
If you aspire to see your children be dreamers, scientists, tradespeople or teachers, give them the grounding needed to have the best possible chance of a life full of joy and freedom, doing what they are passionate about.
Give them many experiences to learn from, mistakes included. Memorable moments in time that will create opportunities in their future. The work our children will do in the future has not even been thought of yet, maybe, just maybe it will be one of your adventures that bring to fruition a new idea, a new cure, a new existence for all that walk this earth.
[1] Self-Regulation is one of five skills that sit inside Emotional Intelligence (Self Awareness, Self-Regulation, Motivation, Empathy and Social Skills).
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