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PART 2 - Thinking (3 of 4)


Chapter 7

Being 100% Responsible



Imagine living life with no blaming, no complaining and no excuses.


It is possible, however, you will need to work on your thinking skills.


If everyone listened to people who said, ‘You will never amount to anything’, we would not have the amazing entrepreneurs, inventors, thought leaders or inspirational people in our lives.


Psychologically, parents are the mirrors in which kids see themselves reflected. Your children look to you to see who they are and how they fit into the world.


As children get older, they come across more mirrors, however, it is well noted, that the parents, through their words and actions, that ultimately create the foundation of ‘sense of self’ in their children. What children believe in themselves is how they will become.


Name-calling is OUT. Stop it now…. Stop the people around you too. Name-calling even in jest can affect a child for life.


Lisa:


At school, I was called Ski-ramp, purely because of the shape of my nose. Because of this insensitive nickname, I for many years thought I was ugly and that no one would want to be my friend. My behaviour around others was insular and timid. Fair game for the stronger kids who bullied me, day in and day out.


I now know the flaws they saw in me were flaws they struggled with. It wasn’t until I saw my parents’ confidence in themselves that I realised that it did not matter what other people thought of me.


Once I no longer believed what others were saying, they no longer used that nickname. I stopped giving them power, by ignoring what they were saying and stood tall in my own power, knowing that I liked the way I looked and that one day I would grow into my nose.


Another nickname I was given was Squeaky. This was due to my high-pitched voice when I was excited. This very voice is the one I now share stories with children and their village about the importance of taking 100% responsibility for what you listen to and what you let go.


One thing a parent should never say is, ‘you shouldn’t feel that way’. These types of words prevent the child from owning their feelings. Validating your child’s feelings gives them the freedom to feel, but not act. This also allows the child to own their experience. The parent is there to support and encourage the release of the emotion, not to say what is right or wrong. All feelings are valid, even if parents are not willing to accept them or understand.


By keeping open and available to hear your child speak about their emotions, and own them, you will:


· Create a safe space for a conversation

· Be available and non-judgmental

· Learn more about your child and their position in life

· Allow time for the child to understand their feelings and emotions so they can feel understood and no longer need to act out

· Learn together, everyone being 100% responsible for the outcomes in their own lives


Children tend to measure themselves on the standards the parents set for them.


As a child, I said I wanted to be an air hostess. Learning French, Grooming and Deportment, were ways I felt would help me achieve this goal. Unfortunately, my height was what stopped me from fulfilling that childhood dream.


Fortunately, the grooming and deportment would come in handy later on in life, if only I knew that then.


At the time of hearing this devasting news, I felt and shared emotions that my parents did not understand. They, through their own life experiences, knew that this was not the end of the world, they knew I would have other opportunities to live a fun and fulfilling life. No amount of them, ‘telling’ me, everything will work out would have helped. Listening to me and consoling me through this tough time was what was needed. My parents had been employed in many different roles. My mum always seemed to find a way to be employed, often 2 jobs at a time. A cleaner, a nursing assistant and an accountant to name a few. The standard she set for me was, you can be whoever you put your mind to be.


Fun Activity


Who am I now?

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Who did I dream of being?

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What do I do now?

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What did I dream of doing?

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Where am I now?

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Where do I want to be?

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How did I get here?

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How do I get there?

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We are going to go against the grain here and share that we have no WHY questions. We believe everything happens for a reason and the why is the dream itself.


My life is a dream, quite literally. Every job I have ever had was created in my imagination.


Always thinking of ways to bring to life who, what, where and how, I want to live my life.


Learning how to ask for help was my most important lesson in life as a child. Accepting that not one person can know everything, meant that I searched for the person or people to help me achieve my dreams.


At no point is it someone else’s responsibility to take blame for my actions. I have reasons for doing or not doing something, not excuses. We all know there is no point complaining, who wants to listen to that?

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