Emotions – Balancing the Energy
It was a fabulous day, sun shining, the ducks waddling around us going about their business. My son was so excited, he had been asking to feed the ducks for months.
We were there to visit Nanna. She was running late. This was the day my son's dream would come true.
We nipped to the shop to buy a fresh loaf of bread. My last $2 was in my purse. Knowing mum would help out, this was one of the reasons for me visiting. I was seeking support.
Times were tough. I was not happy in my marriage, struggling financially, feeling sad and happy at any given moment. Quite literally living each day as it unfolded, being strong for my children, wearing the superwoman cape. You know the one all Mums wear at some point. I just felt like I needed it on, more often than not.
My children were my only reason for living, like many mums out there, however, I knew deep down I needed more to fulfil my life.
Pulling on every bit of my energy just to keep going, I became resourceful; doing massages for family friends, bridal makeup on weekends, selling lingerie by party plan at night. To say I was burnt out would be an understatement.
I was using all the skills I had learned from my short life so far, making ends meet, to put food on the table and protect my family from homelessness.
We have the bread, the children are so excited, we park the car, find a spot to sit. My daughter sitting on my right, my son on my left. I breathe in and decide to live in the moment.
The ducks know what is happening, they start to gather around us. Flying into the lake in front of us.
Swish…. wow, isn’t it fascinating how they gracefully land on the water with such precision. Then waddle up to us. I break the bread into pieces, handing some to my daughter first, and then my son.
We all threw out our pieces of bread, with shrieks of excitement and joy.
I know this was the best use of my money, these moments matter. If only I knew how much.
This went on for some time until my son and I started really focusing on one particular duck.
It was smaller than the others - you might say we felt sorry for it. The underdog or ‘under duck’, you might call it.
Every piece we threw out, another duck, bigger, stronger, more determined, would get the bread.
Our focus grew stronger and stronger until Eureka! We did it! The smaller duck wins… or was it us winning?
For a split second, we felt so accomplished together, helping another living being, get what we felt it deserved.
Until we realised my daughter was missing. We had focused so much on another living being, we had forgotten what we should have been looking after....... one of our own.
This was the most horrific moment in time. Frozen on the spot. It was my son who jumped into action. His little sister was missing. What had he done, what could he do? “Mummy, where is she?” Was this his fault?” Of course not!!
I could not answer. I did not know where she was. I did not recall when I stopped focusing on her and started focusing more on the ‘under duck’.
We looked over the bridge. We ran across the park, twice. Backwards and forwards over the bridge, looking into the water, oh, please God no.... We separated, screaming her name. Nothing.
Then we came together and cuddled each other. My son was crying saying, “It is all my fault, I wanted to feed the ducks.”
I reassured my beautiful 4-year-old son by saying, “Sweetheart it is not your fault, we will find her, and everything will be okay.”
I asked him to sit down and stay still. For him to be calm and use his intuition, for him to feel where his little sister could be. I sat down next to him and calmed down. Within a few seconds we both looked out to the middle of the lake and there we saw her hot pink shoes. There she was, upside down in the middle of the lake.
What happened next needs very little explanation. I did what anybody in this situation would do. I walked on water, yep you read right, I walked on water. I went in and out of that lake without getting wet, before I knew what had happened or even how all three of us were on the grass together again.
My daughter was covered in mud from being stuck in the bottom of the lake, I had resuscitated her and with her big eyes and complete silence she thanked me.
Today was not the day for her to say goodbye. Today was the day for my son and I to have a lesson in life.
We sat there silent for what seemed hours. We waited for Nanna to come home. Not a word was spoken, just lots of cuddles.
When we saw Nanna’s car turn the corner into the estate. We just sat there in each other’s arms.
Nanna could tell something had happened and her intuition was right. She stopped her car and ran up the street to help us.
With her arms out wide, screaming, “What has happened?”
We all knew she would bring us all back to the present and feel the love we all needed in that moment.
My daughter had not cried, my son had not spoken, we were all waiting for my Mum, so we could move past this moment in time and now she was here.
What happened next, I do not remember. Maybe because the lesson I needed was back at the lake or in the moments of silence with my children.
All I know to be true is that living each and every day in the now is incredibly important.
Being conscious of where you give your attention will dictate the outcomes. Understand what outcomes you want and set your energy on that intention.
We are all blessed with the people we meet and the time that we have.
Ultimately it is entirely up to YOU what you choose to DO and who you spend precious time with.
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